When it came to making the big decisions in life, I was never one to rush into anything. I waited for the right guy, I waited for the right time. I was almost 32 when we got married. And then when we got married, I didn’t want to rush into having babies right away because I had a career that I was loving!
But then when we finally started to try, it was not happening.
I’ll spare you the long sordid details. We ended up going the IVF route and we also struggled with that process. It took several embryos and several tries before it worked for us. It is a soul sucking, gut wrenching, heart crushing journey.
I found myself desperately working to have kids, but at the same time, surrounded by women who were getting pregnant naturally and actually not having a great experience being a mom.
They were miserable. They were downing in overwhelm. They weren’t getting out of their pajamas. They weren’t brushing their teeth. They were completely losing themselves. A few of them even said to me: “I can’t believe you’re trying so hard to have a baby! Don’t do it!”
It really got me thinking…
I didn’t want to be like that!
I was putting so much of myself into getting pregnant: time, money, energy, emotions. I was going through so much to try to have a baby and I didn’t want to end up miserable on the other side.
I believed (and still believe!) a child should add to my life, not take away from it. During the whole process, I kept thinking about the fact that I had a happy marriage, I had a career I loved, I traveled and enjoyed indulging in guilty pleasures like reality tv and wine. I had a life I loved and I didn’t want to have to give all that up when I became a mom!
When I started hearing these women talk about how miserable they were, I knew: I can NOT be that mom. I am trying way too hard to have a baby and when I’m lucky enough to get pregnant, I do not want to be that mom.
And I had friends that said, “Oh yeah, I said that, too. I didn’t think I was gonna turn into that mom either, and then I did!”
Yeah, I wasn’t gonna be that mom either.
So since I’m a planner, I started to plan. I started to prepare. You tell me something can’t be done? Watch me get it done.
Not long after my planning process began, we got pregnant!
And it was twins!
Suddenly, I knew I had to make a serious plan. Without family and friends close by and a husband who runs his own business, I knew I would be doing a lot of this mom thing on my own.
But instead of freaking out and listening to my miserable mom friends, I made a different choice.
I chose to turn toward the moms in my life who looked like they had it all together. The moms that were, in fact doing it all. And they were having it all. And that’s who I talked to. I stopped paying attention to all the women who told me what couldn’t be done. I engaged with the women who knew it could be done. Because they were doing it (ironically many of these women were moms of twins-they really know where it’s at!).
My sister-in-law also had twins a few years before me. And she always looked so put together. So I started paying attention to what she was doing. I would read books and blogs that she told me about.
Everything from sleep training to eating habits to scheduling, I read up on it! I consumed as much information as I possibly could to make my mommy plan.
The twins came and I followed through. I implemented everything I read about and it was, and has been, a really positive experience for me.
Don’t get me wrong; I mean, I’m a mom of twins! Not every day has been easy breezy by any means. There were (are) hard days. But I didn’t focus on the negative, unlike many of the mommy blogs that beat that message into the ground.
I believe that what you focus on expands. Let that sink in. What you focus on. EXPANDS.
So I knew if I kept reading those blogs, I would get sucked into that exact feeling of misery and overwhelm.
Instead, I chose to be intentionally proactive at each stage. You can’t just let motherhood happen to you. YOU have to happen to your babies!
Slowly as each stage went by, I started getting questions from the moms around me.
“How are your boys sleeping through the night?”
“How are your nails always done?”
“How come your kids aren’t picky eaters?”
And I actually had specific answers because I was intentionally proactive about all of these things. I planned so intensely that I had the answers. It wasn’t a fluke. Being a detail oriented planner is one of my worst qualities actually. I often wish I could be much more laid back. It seems so much more stress free.
I know it irritates my husband (babe if you’re reading this, don’t pretend like it doesn’t), but it has served me well in motherhood. Things don’t always go according to plan-but having a plan gives you something to come back to when you veer off course.
Since I actually had free time because I learned how to schedule and sleep train my kids, I started writing about my experiences in my blog. I would start sharing random things about my life and parenting. When moms and expectant moms started messaging me, that’s when my love of coaching came out!
I loved helping and inspiring women that were surrounded by blogs and information that highlight the crappy parts of motherhood. I was really inspiring women to find the good and to be the perfect mother for her family. I believe perfection DOES exist in motherhood. And it’s not your neighbor’s vision of perfection. It’s your own. If you have hopes and dreams for your life and your kids, and those are being fulfilled-then THAT is perfection. Perfect motherhood is YOUR definition of it. It can be whatever you want it to be, mistakes and all. In fact, the mistakes are what make it perfect.
I strongly believe that when you’re a happy healthy mom, that’s the kind of energy you put out in everything that you do. It comes out in the way you nurture yourself, your relationship with your partner, and your kids. When you parent from a healthy happy place, you put better people out into the world and that is good for all of us.
And I recently realized….THAT’S my why. I’m so tired of the negativity. I have had an amazing experience as a mom when the odds were stacked against me. I’m the perfect example of someone who could have easily succumbed to the new mommy overwhelm, and I didn’t. When I talk to an expecting mom who says “wow, I never even thought about that”. Or “I definitely need to talk to my husband about that”, I know that I have opened her eyes to something that may have otherwise caught her off guard. Preparation is EVERYTHING in parenthood and when you approach it with purpose, I promise, you will have a much better experience as a mom. This WORLD will be a better place if you are a happy healthy mom and you are creating happy healthy, contributing members of society. And you know what else? Having your OWN why makes you an EVEN better mom. You don’t have to have a job or a business. It could just be a hobby. Something that only you can do, that other people get value out of. If you can find your “why”, you will have a passion other than your kids, and it is honestly the healthiest thing you can do for your family. I will talk a lot more about finding that purpose in upcoming blog posts but in the meantime, if you are motivated to do so, I highly recommend this video. Simon Sinek’s “Start with Why”. It really helped me hone in on MY why. I hope you find as much value in it as I did.
Inspiring and motivating expectant moms is where everything started for me. This feeling of freedom and happiness is a choice and I love helping moms figure out how they can make the positive choice for their own motherhood experience! I really didn’t plan for this, I just knew my passion, but things have been going SO well for me, that I am overwhelmed with requests to collaborate, interview on podcasts, and guest speak. In my own near future I will be co-authoring on a book, starting up my OWN podcast, and launching an online course for the trying to conceive and expecting mom communities of the world. I am just so so excited for everything that is to come, and I hope that you will follow me on my journey. And if you know someone who has parenthood in their near future, I would love if you could share this with them so they can follow me to get inspired. Sharing is caring and I appreciate it so so much! And if you or someone you know is expecting, I do FREE 30 minute coaching calls! Send me an email so we can connect!